Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
