The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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