if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
