It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
