i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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