i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
