I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
