You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
