Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
