He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
