Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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