Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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