saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The adults are the big ones right?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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