We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
