drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
