fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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