i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
