He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
