I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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