Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
