This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
