I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
