The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
