I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
