It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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