felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
