I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
