Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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