We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
