what day is it and did you see me today?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
