ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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