I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
