I want to stick my p in your. b.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
