Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
