tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
