You just made me feel so damn special
I just saw a hot homeless man
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
