There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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