let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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