you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
smell my finger.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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