It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
