He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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