I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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