WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
