i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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