bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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