The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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