i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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