We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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