Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize