Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
