I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
