Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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