I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
