Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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