2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
