First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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