As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
