i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
