through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
