Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize