I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
