I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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