Me. At least after what I've been through.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
