My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
