Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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