I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
