My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
