look no pants
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
