Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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