just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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