Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
